Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
