ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
