my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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