Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
