Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
