If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
