Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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