Pants 0. Shit 1.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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