Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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