I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that's an acceptable place to lick
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
