My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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