Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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