ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize