Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just cropdusted the office
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
