Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The feeling are messing with the penis
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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