Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
