I saw his package. It spoke to me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
