so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
