The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
