Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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