i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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