I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
