I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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