my sisters under your porch take her home
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
