low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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