You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
