She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
