p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
