I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
