Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he was CRYING into my vagina
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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