p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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