So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize