just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
