I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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