we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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