I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
