I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
