Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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