this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
