just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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