so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
