She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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