I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
