The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
