Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
