i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
