When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Blood and glitter go together right?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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