Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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