Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
