I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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