I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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