I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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