I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There are leaves in my underwear?
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