You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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