Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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